Monday, November 8, 2010

just a mom spilling her heart out.

What is it about a letter? is it the crinkling sound it makes when unfolded, the smell of the paper? Letters are endearing, emotional, personal. I think most of all it's the writing of the words, the handwriting evokes a feeling, a mood, a personal mark from the soul, selfish ink said in it's own unique way. I have dozens of letters from old best friends, my penpal cousin, an old flame, left stagnant in a box, just remnants of little, yet important marks of their life in mine. My husband wrote me the most beautiful letter I've ever read, it's one of those letters that you read over and over, study every word, devour every word. His words are priceless and mean more than anything he could buy for me. I've also written 25 journals during my life ranging from 100-300 pages. Each of my journals look different and unique, with random thoughts, stuff from magazines cut-out and pasted to amuse unspoken thoughts. Though I'm sure some of it is boring, monotonous, and perhaps better left unrevealed. I'm grateful I can look back and read and feel what I've gone through in life and see what has led up to where I am. And it's something for my heritage to read, perhaps reflect on too. Since I've been married I write more on my blog, than my personal journal, but I strive to keep one, since there are things that I feel are best kept from the cyberworld and just belong to my little world. More than even my journals, my poetry are the roots of me. Writing from our hearts is not just good for others to read, but helps us individually sort out the ugly and beautiful insanity in our lives.

I've been keeping a simple journal for Keira about endearing moments about her and watching her grow. But I've been working a long time on this (handwritten) letter for her trying to spill my heart out in ink, which is hard at times for a first time mom to put a million feelings into words. I want her to know how much she has blessed my life. And know how I feel at this time of my life right now, because she means more than anything to me. She's my world.


Dear Sweet Keira,

The joy that filled my heart when I held you for the first time was unlike any joy that I ever had or could have imagined. The empty void in heart was completely filled. I finally felt I was fulfilling my purpose in life and spiritual destiny, what I always wanted to be, a mother. I am so blessed and honored to be your mother. I have so many wishes and dreams for you. I can't wait to create sweet memories for you and be there for you in your life.

I wish you plenty of warm sunny days while running through sprinklers, riding your bike barefoot and finding little treasures from nature, just like I did. And when you lay in the grass and see animals form out of the clouds, I hope you see life is full of amazing possibilites. I wish you a childhood that leaves you bright memories to enhance and strengthen who you become. And the most important thing I want you to know is that you are a daughter of God. You are an important part of God's plan and one of His greatest creations. You are perfect the way the Lord made you, no matter how the world tells you to be. May your curiousity and interests spark your unique special talents. I can't wait to see them! Whether it's a talent made by your very hands or a song you wrote that only you can sing. I'll always be your biggest fan.

When you have bad days or disappointments, don't rely on money, possessions or people to make you happy. Remember that attitude is everything, only you can choose to be happy. And staying close to the Lord and striving to know and become like Him will bring you ultimate happiness more than anything. Remember that everyday you live and breathe is a blessing. When you feel alone, turn to the Savior, He's your brother and Eternal friend, He's always there to listen and wants to answer your prayers. I hope you also will see the good in everyone and be the one who seeks out those that are lonely and be their friend, they will be some of the greatest people you'll ever meet. Your love and friendship will make a great impact on them. And when you are placed in adversity or face peer pressure, remember your good choices will cause others to do so too. You will inspire others and be admired.

As you figure out love from having crushes, infatuations, to searching for real love. I wish you a broken heart. You will only discover genuine love through learning from a broken heart. But every broken heart will cause you to see what was missing, and in return you will find the one love that completes you and proves a love that is real. Love that makes you a better person and you make him better too. And most importantly, your fondest dreams and desires will be his too. Never settle for love. You should never have to question if his love is equal to yours. You deserve to find the other half of your heart. You deserve true love. True love is worth waiting for. Let it find you.

My greatest desire is to teach you to always have faith and trust in the Lord, relying on Lord, and also in me. I always want to be that comforting haven, that gives you instant peace and escape from your worries, a permanent place that feels like home. My mother gave that to me. She's influenced me greatly to be where I am and who I am. And I still have much more to fulfill to be like her. She has always demonstrated a true follower of Christ through her words and actions. Which is what I want to be for you.

As you make choices and may go down the wrong path. Don't ever think you can never find your way back. The Savior knows you and has suffered all that you will experience. Show your love to the Savior by using His atonement and prove your faith to Him through your works and He'll always show you the way. Study the scriptures, they will give you guidance and strength to endure all things. As you share your beliefs, you will never doubt in His great work and plan, your faith in it will grow stronger the more you share it. You will have less fear of the world, if you live for Lord. His spirit will calm your heart and fill you with His infinite love everytime you seek Him. You have a profound purpose in His plan.

Everytime I look at you, I know that nothing in this world could make me happier. I may never see London or the Eiffel Tower, it doesn't matter, because you are my greatest adventure. The things you will teach me about life could not be found even in the most foreign places I could travel. Your beautiful soul makes my life rich. Memories with you make me rich. I'm so blessed to start each day with your beautiful smile. It's such a gift to watch you change and grow. You'll always be my sweet angel. I love you Keira.

With all my heart,

your mother


Christine said...

Wow I'm in tears over here. What a beautiful treasure for Kiera. She is so blessed to have such an amazing mother. :)

Janna Murphy said...

Your letter is beautiful--you have a knack for writing. I'm sure that it will be a source of help and comfort to Keira as she grows up--a true treasure for both of you!!

Janna Murphy said...

P.S. I like your new "Fall" background.

Sher said...

thank you so much Janna & Christine! xo

Di said...

Love the letter and how it ends with Keira being your greatest adventure and that no travel can compare... so true! Great writing!