Dream on......

The other night I was sulking about my dream to be at the beach. I'm dying to escape this hot stupid desert! In the beginning of the year, my simple wish to my husband was to go to the beach for my birthday (in August) since there was a high chance of him finally being home for it. My amazing hard-working husband has never been home for my birthday all the years I've known him (almost 6 years...~sigh~). His work demands him to be out of town or out of state most of the summers. But he's always done sweet things to try to make up for it. He's given me beautiful diamonds...sapphires... and now all I really want is to see are diamonds in the mid-summer night sky and sapphires twinkling across an endless sea of blue. Alas, those dreams are now washed away in my stubborn brainwaves, while hopeful notions are still surfacing.

I've wanted so badly to duplicate a picture of my 15 month-old girl on the beach just like the one I have of myself, which I love. My husband laughs at how badly I want that picture of her on the beach and has teased me saying, "I'll take you to the wash, there's plenty of sand," since we do live in a massive sand box. Hardy-har har... my husband has such a witty raw sense of humor, but I do love that about him.

When I first asked him my birthday wish, he gave the hopeful response of making it seem like a huge possibity. (((UNTiL))) the passing of the Arizona Immigration Bill (S.B. 1070) passed and California decided to boycott Arizona, thus causing my husband to boycott California! (he was already not fond of the state, in which I grew up, for various reasons, hah!). Which means, I don't get my birthday wish. ~sniff~pout~sniff~. And I don't think we can go to a different state just to go to the beach because I don't think my little one could handle that long of a car trip. But I do understand why my husband feels that way (we both support the bill strongly and Cali should too since they need it as well). And even if he did decide to make my wish come true, we couldn't go because he's working out of town and won't be home until the day after my birthday (which is the closest yet). So yet again, he's not going to be home on my actual birthday. :::LAME:::

Meanwhile, I've been focusing on my current project, which is finally painting my room into a soothing zen-like hideaway. So once it's complete, I will just have to settle with closing my eyes and listening to a recording of waves crashing onto shore (peppy chagrin).

I found this photo of how I've imagined my night at the beach and the guy that took this picture wrote this amazing poem. I love to write and read poetry so I had to post this as well.

The Curse Did Not Come Upon Saturn

The Curse did not come upon Saturn,
Nor cover the planets and stars-
But came to the earth like the lightning
That signals the start of a storm.

It blanketed beautiful valleys
Built in creation’s fire-
Then moved ‘cross the hills
In a torrent-
Which in rapid, recession-retired.

Hating the heart of the future-
Despising all hope and desire-
Erasing eons of dreaming,
With planning and patience conspired.

To bring captivity captive-
To worship a fallen king-
To drain the last drop,
Of life and light-
To crush creativity.

Such serpentine monstrosity,
Will never be wrought again.
Plans will unfold,
But missing their mark,
Will cease to be brought
To an end.

The ignorant souls
Of the dancers-
That danced with the
Sword and the wheel-
And plowed in the fields
Of the broken-
Will never be heard from
Again.

Deceivers will flourish
And be no more.
Liars will all pass away.
Death and destruction
Will struggle and strain-
Then fail at the force
Of the flame.

The heavens are still
Rejoicing.
The stars in their glory
Still sing.
Repeating the strain,
Of original song-
Etched in aged memory.

Clothed in magnificent
Color-
Reveling in royal plans.
Revealing from the beginning-
The art of the Master’s hands.

As servants new, now recreate-
Envision inhabited lands.
By suffering tried, have spoken
The word-
And left their trail in the sand.

And passing beyond the physical door-
Now come to a heavenly land.
Where monuments new of faith reside-
And sacred spirits stand.

A city of golden glory-
Where day and night descend-
In the light of the great Creator-
Whose promise will never end.

Time itself will flicker and fade,
The fire of the universe wane-
Providence then will have
the last word.-
And truth once more
Fall like rain.

Poem & Photo By James Watkins

One Nation Under God

This past fourth of July, I truly didn't care about the food, the fireworks, or even the fun... Instead I really pondered the history of America, the destiny of America, where it was back on the historical day of July 4th 1776 that the Declaration of Independence was born. America was truly born. The sacrifices made to create equality and freedom, is still hard for me to fully comprehend no matter how much I study it.

Honestly, when I was a kid, I thought the patriotic songs were sometimes annoying and some of the words puzzled me. But as I matured and of course, realized the blessing of living in this nation, not just the songs have a whole new meaning to me, but simply being an American has a whole new meaning to me. And I'm so very grateful for my Great Great Grandmother not only for coming to America, but for converting to the gospel of Jesus Christ. For if it wasn't for her my mother and I may have not had the great privilege to be born in this country and most importantly to be born into the gospel as well. Here is the amazing story written by my mother:

Danish Great Grandma, Importance of Temples

It is the year 1880 in the town of Odense, Denmark. A young mother of four is grieving the sudden death of her husband. He had been a tailor and sewed beautiful suits for rich people, but now she had to continue the business without him. Johanna Rasmina Margretha Madsen, my great Grandmother, deeply missed her dear husband.

One night, after the children were in bed, Johanna was walking in the rock garden they had made together behind their home. She was distraught and could not be consoled. Suddenly she looked up and saw her husband in a vision. He was wearing a white robe and stood 2 feet off the ground. “Johanna, do not weep for me,” he said. “I am happy and you must be happy too. You must watch and wait, and someday you will learn of a way we can be together forever, but I warn you, do not let it pass you by.” She wiped her eyes and turned to see him once more but he was gone. This helped her so much and gave her the comfort she needed.

Years later, Johanna was riding a train returning from a neighboring city. She asked the passenger next to her where he was from, since she could tell he was a foreigner. He told her he was from America and was returning to Odense to look up his relatives. She said she had a brother in America and opened a locket from around her neck and showed him a picture of herself and her brother when they were children. He recognized himself as a boy! They cried and embraced as they realized they were brother and sister and others on the train were crying too, it was so sweet.

They returned to her home and he met her four children and then retired to bed. But her brother said a special prayer before he slept. He asked God to help him know what to say to his sister, for he was now a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and he knew it would be nearly impossible to get her to leave her Lutheran Church.

In the morning, when breakfast was done and things settled down, he began to talk to Johanna. He felt inspired to talk to her about temples and how you can be sealed together with your spouse and children and be sealed as a family forever.

Johanna immediately remembered the warning from her late husband all those years before. He had told her to watch and wait, and a way would come where they could be together forever. Johanna wanted to be baptized.

When her Mother and friends heard about this they all told her not to join that “new” religion! They threatened to disown her if she did. But Johanna was determined and did join the church. She was shunned for doing so. After enough money was saved, she and three others came to the United States on a boat in 1916. She moved to Mount Pleasant, Utah. This brave woman whose fondest desire was to be with her husband and family in the eternities, is why I (my mother) stand here today, the fifth generation belonging to this church.

In conclusion, I will continue to study the true American history and teach it to my children, and never take freedom for granted. Especially the freedom of religion. I am also grateful for the bravery of Glenn Beck. I think he is an amazing person and truly an American hero. He has contributed to a large awakening of our nation to not only reveal the facts and truths of our Founding Fathers and Country, but MOST importantly he has awakened people to remember this nation was created because of the reliance and belief in God. And as we read many stories in the Bible and Book of Mormon, we see that when the people forget their God, there is no peace and no prosperity. But when we do fear God and live for God we are blessed and will have prosperity. I love the gospel of Jesus Christ, I love all of those who have sacrificed all for this sacred country. This was the first 4th of July my husband was home since we've been married and it was soo nice to be together with our daughter. I cherish every single thing in my life and living for God and my family is all that matters to me. Happy Birthday America! God bless our country and our troops!

Guess Whoo Turned 1!?

Keira had her first birthday on April 19th. We celebrated it this past Saturday with family. I could not resist this owl theme, because of the clever invitations and pinata! And the cool thing about the pinata was that instead of hitting it, everyone holds a string and pulls, so even Keira got to hold one! Surprisingly, Keira was not into digging her dainty little fingers into the cake and devouring it! She acted quite uninterested, she only ate a little bit. She was far more interested in the candle! haha! She's never been a messy eater in general!

I even found an owl frame that I painted to match!

Since I have only one niece & five nephews I tried to make the activities not too girly. We did "Pin-the-bow on the Owl". I drew the owl on a big poster board and cut out pink bows for the girls to put on the head, and blue bows for the boys to put on the owl like a bow-tie. It turned out quite spiffy! They all enjoyed it! Then we made owls out of paper sacks with wiggly eyes! Meanwhile, Birthday girl was darting all over in her walker beaming!

From her Aunts she got a Webkin Poodle, MegaBlocks, and an adorable swimsuit with lil' pom pom tassels! Grandma Murphy gave her clothes, books, shoes, and a cute little doll! Grammy Millet gave her books & made her a shopping cart seat cover! (I had fun picking out the fabric!) My best friend Afton, (we call her an Aunt though!) gave her the toy I was going to give her! a cute helicopter learning toy! (since daddy works on them! (also a cute owl cookie & glass cup/basket!) Thanks for all the gifts!!! I gave her a toy camera & Mickey Mouse books!

KEIRA LOVES:

Watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, cheese puffs, making a funny laugh, saying "Cat" and chasing him around the house, pointing, clapping & tapping her her feet! Giving daddy a big hug when he comes home from work! Playing in the bath! she really loves the real camera, cell phones, remote controls, & pretty much anything she shouldn't play with!

I have been enjoying every second watching her change & adoring her every day. She is truly such a blessing to us. Being able to raise her is the most gratifying privilege I'll ever have. She's worth more & means more than anything in the world.

My "Somebody"

As I walk into the dim lit room with the song "love shack" blaring, I see the usual clusters of naive love-starving girls dancing up a storm and then I join one of them. Of course very few guys are grooving to the tune, most of them are mysterious wallflowers scoping and waiting for a different song. As I dance, I scan around the gymnasium, squinting to see if their face looks "good" in the deceiving faint light. And if there is a possible cute one, I try to keep track of him, in hopes I can catch his eye, as I try to bust my best dance moves possible.

A couple slow songs play. One guy I ask to dance with looked alright from a distance, but as we danced and asked each other simple questions, I didn't care whether he was justifiably cute or not. Because he is reeking of nacho breath and a piece of chip is stuck in his teeth wedged within his braces...ick! gross! I try not to look obvious turning my head to gasp for fresh air and then continue to hold my breath till the song ends. Then as always, the next guy that asks me...I don't want to dance with, but don't have the heart to say no to. He's one of the few that has danced non-stop to every single song and his shirt is completely drenched with sweat. So I'm stuck not only smelling his body odor, but I keep a big distance beween us and I have the tips of my fingers resting as lightly as possible on his left shoulder and with my right hand I stiffen my fingers trying not to hold his clammy hand completely. The song drags on and seems to never end. I'm screaming inside saying,"Someone end the song! HELP ME!!!" Then afterward I find my girlfriends to warn them. That way when the next slow song comes on, if that particular guy is walking towards them wanting to dance, they can hopefully escape the same dreadful fate.

Then... "the song" comes on ...a small whistling sound, then the sound of a heart beat, "Somebody" by Depeche Mode. And for some reason, I feel like my heart is now beating faster. I look to find the right guy to dance with for this particular song. I ask him, hoping he's actually glad that I asked. I'm soaking in every word being sung as we rock in circles, wondering who is my "somebody"? is it him? Meanwhile he's just dancing, he's not pondering deeply on the desperate lyrics like me. During the song I hope he might look at me that special way, or I might feel that spark that you always dream about. Nope, just wishful thinking. After many dances to that song at many church dances, I realize it's just a song, it doesn't cast a love spell on anyone like you wish it could. From that point I never let the song taunt me like it used to. I'd dance with any guy to the song, like it was any other irrelevant song. But I was still the same young love-starved girl in high school. And I would be long after for quite awhile as I experienced love in all of it's beguiling forms.

I tricked my heart many times thinking certain ones just had to be my "somebody." Only to find after being crushed, that I was forcing them to be my "somebody" when they never should be. Thus I became more and more bitter after every dead end love and I decided to forget about my stupid "somebody". I wasted my heart on pointless prospects, knowing I would get hurt. Not knowing all the heartaches would actually help me in return to recognize my "somebody".

Funny enough, my "somebody" never went to dances. He stepped foot into one once, then never again. He detested them (still does). And that's not where I would meet him. Years later after I moved to Arizona, I had more failed quests for love. I was completely bitter with the male species when I was soon to meet my "somebody". I didn't know what my "type" was anymore or what to look for. So when I randomly fellowshipped my "somebody" at church one Sunday, I never once thought, could this be my "somebody"?

The first few dates, I wasn't sure what to think, I was simply sick of the love game. Tired of my heart getting used and stomped on. But something inside me told me I'd be a fool not to give him a chance. As we continued to see each other and I tried to break down my wall of bitterness. I saw he was different from all the guys I'd usually pursue, completely opposite. It kept me curious. Right before we met, I had decided that any guy I would possibly date, I would ask any question I wanted, and if he wouldn't answer me honestly upfront, I wouldn't gamble my heart on them. So the first date I asked him what qualities he wanted in a girl. I told him mine, along with my bitter tales of jerks. Probably not a fun thing to hear about on one of the first dates. But he still listened and continued to take me out. I never thought about how considerate he was to stick around with such a whiny man-hater!

After a few dates, still confused about how I felt for him, I decided a kiss would reveal if there was something more. My heart was so empty, I didn't know what to feel anymore. I could tell he'd been wanting to kiss me for some time, but he was probably afraid of rejection, since I scared him with my bitterness. So after we kissed, still tangled in thoughts I blurted out, "Why should I date you?!" then he astounded me more than I ever imagined. He answered immediately and said, "You won't be disappointed..." my mouth dropped in awe, was I dreaming? he then said, "I promise I will never treat you the way any of those guys did." For the first time I realized, maybe my "somebody" does exist. He later on confirmed that with the words,"I will never let you go," The exact words I had wrote in my journal that I wished someone would tell me. I was tired of guys not caring about losing me.

I thought I knew what type was my "somebody", but I was completely wrong. The surprise to discover my "somebody" was nothing I imagined, but everything I needed still amazes me now. There's no such thing as a perfect "somebody". But there is "somebody" that holds those missing elements that complement you in such a way that is rare, which undeniably makes perfect love. He helped me see love in a different light. Real love I didn't know existed. And I may have never found it, until I let it find me.

This song randomly popped in my head a few days ago and I started singing it out loud. I laughed at the memories of where I first heard it, a good ol' church dance. So I decided to write about my memory of it and how the song correlated with my life. The song can seem a tad desperate, yet it describes exactly what most of us want in love, especially when you are a hopeless romantic (that's me).

Now I just need to get him to dance with me at least once to this song. (((Haha!)))

My only thought now.

Be Prepared - Mentally, Physically, Spiritually

Another earthquake this time it hits Chile. I shudder in disbelief as I'm looking at the pictures of the after affects. I remind myself everyday to be grateful. But not just grateful, the spirit reminded me, I must focus more on the other 5 "Be's", counsel given by Prophet Gordon B. Hinckley he said: Be Humble, Be Prayerful, Be Honest, Be True, Be Clean. What plain and simple concepts we can remember! We must BE PREPARED.

In a minute, my life can change or end. Like those that have suffered in Haiti and Chile. It's so hard to comprehend, but I've been trying to comprehend. In relief society the lesson was about trials and commandments, and why the Lord gives them to us. They are to help us. Commandments keep us safe from harm, Trials test us, teach us, humble us, to see if we will focus on the Savior and submit ourselves completely to his will. I commented during the lesson and said it shouldn't take a sad tragic calamity to cause us to help others. We should be helping family, friends and our neighbors everyday. Sharing the gospel of Jesus Christ most importantly. Being prepared, such as food storage.

I admit. I find myself living in my little La La Land, fantasy world, where everything is perfect, nothing bad happens. My husband reminds me quite frequently that there are always bad things happening and realize I must face the brutal truth of it. I don't want to. I have to. It doesn't mean I need to get enveloped in the sad events or "what if's". It just means I need to get out of my dream world, so to speak. I shouldn't be scared or sad 24/7, but just be aware, faithful, optimistic and...PREPARED.

It also means I focus more on what I do every day with my time. Because I want to live each day like it's my last. Strive to be the best I can be. Things that ARE already part of me daily are:

• Saying I love you to my husband and daughter.
• Kissing my husband when he gets home and thanking him for how hard he works to provide for our family.
• Maintaining good health (eating well, exercise, etc.)
• Strengthening my marriage. By listening and understanding each other.
• Making dinner every night. My husband deserves it. And it makes home, smell like home. (My mom was a pro at that. I loved it.)
• I sing church hymns/songs often. It helps us feel the spirit more daily. Strengthens our testimony.
• Reading, playing, and just enjoying every moment with my daughter.

Things I need to MAKE a part of me are:

• Find a scripture each day that I can ponder and apply to my life.
• Not let little things annoy or upset me.
• Focusing on the things my husband does that shows he loves me. And not be so needy (haha!)
• Attending the temple once a month as a priority.
• Work on my little bad habits that I forget about often.
• Remember we are all God's children. Love my enemies.
• Better food storage!
• Finding ways to share the gospel more often (with neighbors/acquaintances).
• Financially prepared and aware.

Those are just a few that I know will make me feel more prepared physically, mentally and most importantly spiritually. I pray that I will be more mindful of those around me. To find ways to serve others and serve the Lord in anyway I can. I want to be his instrument. I want to become like my Savior. I want to be remembered as someone who always put the Lord first. And for my children to learn and remember to always put the Lord first. So when and if a devastation occurs, I will be strong enough physically, mentally and spiritually to handle it. Concluding that in all things I will always put my trust in the Lord.